Things Trenton teaches us...

So, 6 years ago, when we heard our baby MAY have Down Syndrome, we really didn't know what to expect, but really, when we are first time parents, does anyone KNOW what to expect??? I have a feeling even parents who are having their 6th child don't really know what to expect, Down Syndrome or not. However, it has been a wild ride. Trenton is more often than not, wild and crazy and not following my directions, which, as you can imagine, wears on a person's patience after a while. Not that we don't love him, because we love him more than we can even fathom. I'm just saying that when you have said "Don't flush yourself", and "Don't put the toy car down our gas tank, it would be really BAD", and "Stop running from me, cars could run over you", for like 1,000 times, you get crabby. I know he has a very short attention span and he doesn't remember things very long, and I remind myself of that often.
That's not what I want to write about, however. What I really wanted to tell you is all the things that he teaches us, with his approximately 20 word vocabulary. Part of our frustration is teaching him "socially appropriate" behaviors. Is it "socially appropriate" to walk into a restaurant and walk past every table telling everyone "Hello"? No, so Kent and I shuffle him along quietly to our table trying to teach him that we need to leave everyone alone in their own little worlds like everyone else does. He does not get that. I remember one time we went into an IHOP in Kansas City and there was a homeless man begging outside. I tried to hide the kids away from this man because he was filthy dirty and smelled awful and as parents, we are "socialized" to believe the worst in people- what if he kidnapped the kids for ransom or something? A 100 pound homeless man could be dangerous! Well, of course, Trenton noticed him as he does everyone and slipped away from me to go shake the man's hand. I freaked and quickly chased him to the man where Trenton is so polite to him saying "Hi." I don't know what to say. Really, he is YUCKY! The snob in me wants to grab my son and run away quickly. (Remember, I'm thinking he could be dangerous!) Instead, the man tears up and tells me I am the Mother of the nicest boy he's ever met and I should be proud. I have such an outpouring of emotions. On one hand, I want to be proud of him, and on the other, I am so incredibly ashamed of myself for shunning this man. I don't know what he's been through, I have no right to judge him, he is starving outside an IHOP for crying out loud!
Fast forward to this June. Kent and I took the kids to Red Lobster in Topeka after a quick run to Home Depot. When we got there, no one else was there. It was packed by the time we left. On the way out, it took, FOREVER because of course Trenton had to greet everone at every table on the way out. We then stopped by the lobster tank where the waiter let the kids pet the lobsters before they became someone's dinner (kind of sick, but we didn't explain the part that Mommy just ATE that!). As the waiter left, a man came absolutely running out of where we just came from. He didn't say a word to Kent or I, but he put his hand on Trenton's back and said "You are the nicest boy and the way you talked to me made my day. I want you to take this and get something nice for yourself." Again, I didn't know what to think. I watch the news. Therefore, I think the worst of people. This man could have easily kidnapped Trenton in that situation. We get outside and I realize that he gave him $5. Really? Saying "Hi" to someone gets you $5? WOW!
OK, now last night, we are at Pizza Hut in Sabetha. Trenton is doing his usual meet and greet with all of Pizza Hut's patrons. Really, the Walmart greeters have nothing on Trenton! It wasn't too crowded and Kent and I were both tired, so we did not argue with him greeting everyone. Besides, it wasn't too crowded and everyone seemed to enjoy it, so whatever. One of the big groups left and about 10 minutes later the waitress came to our table to tell us that our bill was taken care of. Evidently, some guy that Trenton had charmed paid our whole family's dinner. How nice is that??? We have no idea who this guy is and no way to thank him. The waitress thought he must be from out of town because no one recognized him. Trenton must have really made an impression on this man. I've spent all day trying to figure this out. Kent thinks we should clean up better, because we must look poor. :)
Here's what I've come up with: Trenton NEVER judges anyone. The rest of the world- no matter how consientius we are of not judging- we still judge. I will be the first to admit it. I try not to, but it happens. Just picture your 4 year old running up to a homeless man to shake his hand- be honest- what is your very first thought? Why aren't we more like Trenton? Is it the extra chromosome? Does it delete the "judgement gene"? We all go to church and go through the motions, but I think Trenton not only SEES God in everyone, but he also is more connected to God. He prays before every meal and almost every snack, before bedtime and naptime. Kent and I are not the best at attending church. We get a whole family day maybe once a week. We like to spend that day, just the 4 of us, cuddling in front of a movie or something and not really going to church. We pray before most meals, but probably wouldn't if Trenton didn't remind us. I know we need to be better, and if anything, that is precisely what Trenton is doing. My question is- where did he learn this? It's most likely not from us.
There are researchers out there who would like to 'cure' Down Syndrome. I say there is nothing to 'cure'. Worry about cancer and heart disease, not DS. Down Syndrome, the extra chromosome, it's all a gift from God. Nothing else. Trenton and other kids like him are blessings. There are people who see them exactly for who they are- wonderfully giving, loving human beings, not that different from you and I exept they are more sensitive to your feelings and mine. Why are we not all like that? What makes the rest of us judgemental? Ihave no idea, except that maybe Kent and I should make more of an effort to make it to church on Sunday morning- even though it comes after Saturday night- much more often. I will never know why we were chosen to be the parents of such a special blessing, but I do know that I can do what I can to tell the world what an amazing blessing in disguise an apperant 'disabilty' can be. We all need to strive to be more like Trenton. What an incredible world we could be living in! Thank you to all who see people for who they are, without judgement. You are amazing people.